It's six months today since Shane died. Like any relationship ours wasn't perfect. We had our moments of love, joy and pain. Nothings perfect, or at least I haven't experienced anything that is yet. Luckily I had moments that have come close, some of them with Shane, but not many. Ours certainly wasn't the stuff romance novels are made off. For the past six months I've wandered around, feeling lost. I realized that even though Shane had left me, I hadn't left him and I wasn't even sure how to do that.
Surprisingly, I woke up the other morning with one thought firmly planted in my mind...
I love you for loving me when I thought I was
wasn't worth it.
I hate you for leaving me when I wasn't prepared for you to go.
I thank you for supporting me and telling me I was good enough.
I despise you for abusing me, when I deserved better.
I cherish the loving moments, you made me
believe you cared.
I reject the mind games and emotional pain,
you were a Masterful puppeteer.
I smile remembering how I laughed at your crazy antics and sarcastic wit.
I cry remembering your angry tongue and the stinging venom on it's tip.
I've sorted the good, the bad and the ugly, each now assigned their appropriate place.
Once again I'm able to gaze into your life wearied and hardened face.
Six months of tirelessly expending energy when I had no energy to spare.
I leave your intricately designed labyrinth of word, deed, emotion and care.
My conclusion is simple, although it's taken me time to see.
So I say, as Sarah did with her Goblin King...you have no hold over me.